How to Deal with Insensitive Remarks from Friends

Step 1

1

Assess the remarks. Start by taking a moment to assess the remarks that have been made as well as how and when the remarks were made. The type of remarks made may affect how you respond to them. If the remarks are made about you personally, for example, you may more compelled to respond.

For example, your friends may have said insensitive remarks about a person’s race, gender, or class that you know personally. Or they may have made insensitive remarks about a group of people that you do not know personally.

Keeping the method in which they were delivered — such as in a Facebook post versus in person — can later help you decide how you wish to respond to the remarks.

Step 2

2

Decide if you want to let it go or speak up. Once you have assessed the remarks, make the decision to let the remarks go or speak up about how they make you feel. Think about your level of comfort with your friends and whether you are emotionally able to respond to their comments. Decide if speaking up is important to you or if you would prefer to let the remark go.

There may also be other factors like who you are around when the remarks are said. If the insensitive remarks are made in front of others who may also be offended, you may decide to speak up because you will have others who will support you.

If the insensitive remarks are said in the workplace, for example, you may feel more of a responsibility to speak up based on the fact that the remarks are unprofessional and may upset others.

If the insensitive remarks are said around young people or children, you may feel it is important to speak up because you want to be a good role model and not make it seem like insensitive remarks are okay.

If the person making the remark is much younger than you are, you may be tempted to let it go based on their age and inexperience, but it’s actually better to address it right away. Generally, the earlier the person is made aware of their insensitive remarks, the better chance they have of being open to learning about empathy, compassion, and considering other view points.